A simple definition of “collectivism”: group > individual
I imagine we all think we are expert collectivists; after all you and I grew up with the idea of sharing and valuing others. We are taught, on paper, together we are better. However, I do not think we execute on collectivism in a manner that truly maximizes you and I’s potential and skill set.
Let’s be frank; we are individualistic in nature and we want to control our own destinies, who doesn’t?
In the Bible, Jesus says something really funny and very much paradoxical when he states, “whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.”
Sure, the context is that he refers to the idea of personal surrender, salvation, etc.
It got me thinking. I think we find a bit of collectivism, the surrendering of one’s personal action/importance, may benefit us in the long run. As we lose our personal identities, entitlements, and leanings for the sake of others, we find greater value.
Just a thought. Could it be that you and I are actually better together? Is greater value worth the discomfort, slow of pace, and inefficiency that comes with a collectivist mentality?
Interesting contention here: I have a hunch we have a greater quality of life than we think we do. Recently we engaged in dialogue regarding the nature of insecurity and how a lot of it has to do with our minds; our mental strength grows as we mature and, in turn, our insecurity presumably decreases.
Another way our insecurity decreases is when each of us learns to hold onto the value of the few precious commodities life grants us. Generation X, namely our parents, has displayed this sentiment in many ways. Gen X is fun to observe because they, for the most part, find their ultimate value in just a few things whether it is religion, family, or close friends.
For many of us you’ll notice that, as each year passes, the approval of many becomes a little less important and the possessions become a little less necessary (huge disclaimer: there are still a large number of people period who really like the approval of others and big, fancy possessions). I think there are two key elements to this profound process:
Place value in the few, immeasurably important things
Remove value away from the many, non-worthwhile things.
The first point is fairly easy and comes with time. We grow older, discover the few things we can actually place value in, and adapt. The removal of value is something you and I can do today, right here, and right now. You and I are plagued by insecurity because we give our value away to the masses. We place incorrect stock in others’ opinions that have no merit in relevance in the first place.
Today we can identify where we misplace our value, decide it’s worth, and respond accordingly.
There are so many different propensities and leanings when it comes to the life you and I live. There are a variety of religions, cultures, ethnicities; the list could go on forever. Yet, when it comes down to it, there are a few universal principles that reside above us in overarching fashion. We all like, or need, to eat food; you and I enjoy activities that give energy and greater refreshment for the day. Universally you might say that we all enjoy the idea of being with one another, to reside in common unity with another set of like-minded individuals.
The idea of community is just as diverse as the individuals on the Earth; there is a reason why folk of different cultures can gather around a religion and rally towards a more ideal and perfect world. There is a reason why so many different kinds of folk can gather around the LGBTQ movement and rally towards equality. There is a reason why random kids in high school can gather around being apart of the same sports team and rally towards a state championship. If you notice in all of these examples, the value at the center of every gathering of folk was great. The value in the center of a community can be different in form; however I think the value of community is brilliantly standard,in principle, across the board.
Here is something to consider for the movers and shakers of the world: let’s set out to create value wherever we go. Wherever we create value, people will come. When the right people gather in the right place you and I can begin to change the world. But it starts with value. God gives each of us a piece, a skill, a talent; call it whatever you want. If we are faithful with what we have been given perhaps we might find that the world you and I live in will be a brighter place.
You and I have seen her frequently. It’s the girl who is never quite satisfied with what she has achieved. She gets the grades, has the great relationships, and, yet, still looks at her life and determines she needs “more” in order to be fulfilled. We’ve also seen him; the guy who is abnormally content with his frank underachievement in life. He is happy with his few “things” in his life and has zero desire for anything else without having experienced the other things normal people get to encounter.
Perhaps I am strange for thinking this; I could not imagine a life where I persistently felt like I was not doing enough nor a life where I was abnormally content with what I had achieved. Yet I think this is how many of us live without being fully cognisant we fall on either side of the spectrum; we often miss the mark on living a life characterized by a balance between driveness, openness, and humility. Here are two ways we can be driven, yet open to what life would have for us:
Remember There is Always More: Average people settle. Successful people view the world as an open space filled with unlimited opportunity to be taken advantage of with ultimate autonomy. Every day we can remind ourselves that day is an opportunity ready to be attacked, not simply given.
Move in Gratitude: Gratitude is a strange ideal. It grants us serenity to be fully aware of what we have, yet breeds openness to what more of life there is yet to be explored and revealed. Gratitude, in a sense, takes us out of the driver seat of ultimate control, and enables us to increase our capacity for the positive things of life.
It’s a bit of a biased example, but I think my friend Bryant has displayed the balance of driveness, openness, and humility well in his Christian faith. Most young people, namely Christians, tend to utilize Christianity as a simple social mechanism to make friends and conveniently live a life characterized by contentment, social gluttony, and superficiality. When Bryant made the choice to follow Jesus he certainly made some mistakes along the way, but continued to grow in his understanding of the ideals of prayer, Christian community, and the implicit sacrifice that comes along with following Jesus in the many areas of life. He continued to display humility throughout his greatest mistakes as well as victories.
I think a good prayer to pray is one that asks God to grant greater diligence, faithfulness, and persistence while also hoping to grow in humility and empathy. Sometimes we remember one without consideration of the other end of the spectrum, but I think you and I can have a capacity for unstoppable grit marked by an exuding humility.
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.” -Philippians 1:9-11
For many of us insecurity is a bit of a taboo subject. The modern woman is hounded daily for not looking or acting a certain way while the modern man is taught to hide his insecurities. Our society has moved in a direction where feeling insecure is perceived as a weakness and any sign thereof is deemed irreparable and perhaps even condemnable. You and I cannot help how we feel. No matter our predisposition, leanings, or backgrounds we face the inevitable reality of our emotions and the method in which they affect us. My millennial expertise informs me that while an overly emotional or visibly shaken individual may wear their insecurities upon their sleeve even the most cerebral of our peers deal immensely with second guessing and a lack of confidence. Added bonus: it’s likely the one’s we perceive as most outwardly confident who can actually be the most arrogant and ultimately the most insecure (don’t be fooled by looks, especially with young folk).
Anyways, there are far too many books that teach us how to “overcome” insecurity. Let’s call it for it is and say insecurity is real. Don’t hide it, be ignorant of its existence, or work to rid yourself of it. Here are a few ways we can respond to that tightening of the gut, mental tunnel vision, and that uncomfortable sense of feeling exposed:
Admit: Our society teaches us to mask insecurity as if it is the black plague. News flash: you can’t hide the black plague and it will kill you regardless. However, we can readily admit our inadequacies and shortcomings and acknowledge there may be some work to do moving forward (and it won’t kill you like the black plague).
Discern: interestingly enough sometimes that tightening of the stomach we think is anxiety isn’t anxiety at all. Sometimes that pseudo anxiety is our body exciting us for what is to come. Be on the lookout for the moments where we may just be excited as opposed to actual insecurity.
Respond: Just as in any anxiety-filled situation the action of response requires us to take a step back, examine the situation for what it is, and fight the innate desire to react irrationally.
This may be sadistic, however I find a lot of comfort knowing other people wrestle with their inadequacies because I wrestle with my own shortcomings. I think there is a lot to learn from what we are inadequate in and weak in more so than our greatest strengths. Maybe you and I can take a step of resolution for our society by perceiving insecurity for what it is and responding accordingly.
As a bunch of twenty-somethings one of our most prevalent tendencies is to search until we feel as if we have found what we are looking for. We shuffle through social circles and work environments in search of the vibes and rhythms that most align with who we believe ourselves to be. We journey through experiences throughout high school and college in order to validate, or invalidate, our hunches and unsubstantiated beliefs. We search because we want to feel comfortable in our own skin, confident enough to attack the day, and, ultimately, gain the means to develop as human beings. Here are a few ways we can search and successfully find what that one thing is, whatever it may be:
Seek Experiences: It is often said we are the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. On a larger scale we may be able to take the same idea of sums and averages and apply it to our individual experiences. Perhaps we become the sum of our most significant moments, interactions, and encounters.
Find Your Life Treasure: Life treasure is the sought after core values that motivate us out bed and into the day; it is the confidence that grants us serenity to push through the obstacles of the day and achieve victory.
Find Ultimate Value in that Treasure: For some, life treasure is religion, idealism, or something as tangible as a group of friends. Whatever it is for you, make it your everything.
Nothing Else Matters: We live in a society of loud opinions, ambiguous norms, and, unfortunately, status quo. Retirement home folk are frequently on record as listing “caring too much about what others thought/not being themselves” as mistakes in their youth. Find your treasure, do not look to the right or left, and let the rest of life take care of itself.
Truthfully, we spend a lifetime seeking treasure. Right when we think we’ve found “it” we ultimately find that we still lack. I have seen some peers utterly fail in finding their “treasure”; their demise is found in their cynicism, fear of risk, and repeated patterns of self-destruction. So don’t be like my peers; be yourselves and fight for that treasure until it is the only thing you have.
Personal note: I’ll never forget the two quotes I left on the several hundred yearbooks of my high school. The first was “The Lion and the Tuna Story From the Other Guys” (super epic) and the second was this: “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” It took up until just a few years ago to realize this, but the whole “Jesus as my treasure” thing hasn’t failed me yet; I hope it doesn’t. Just wanted to put it out there in case you may want a head start and find your treasure earlier than I did.
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” -Yoda
You and I give fear a strange connotation. As millenials I think we’ve come to the place where we now avoid fear altogether. We don’t want to acknowledge it and we especially don’t want to give in to it. Whether it’s a phobia, social anxiety, or uncertainty we tend to avoid talking about our fears much less dealing with them. I think it’s time we change the narrative.
Big Idea of the Day: Fear itself may be a mental rewarding mechanism that tells us where we ought not to go. I’m by no means a psychologist; however, I think the tightening of the stomach we all experience across the board may point to an eager anticipation of what we are about to encounter.
Allegorical Example: Let’s imagine a girl named Michelle. Michelle might “fear” being in social situations; perhaps the case could be made that the “fear” she is experiencing simply points to her authentic value for people, what they think, and how she might fit in with her peers. This same fear could possibly indicate to us that Michelle is excited to engage in social interaction, but simply may not have the means to do so- and that is ok.
Question of the Day: Fear is a feeling, premonition, or mental inkling. We naturally assign negative feelings with fear. The feeling, premonition, or mental inkling may not be such bad experiences after all; what if we could re channel our experience into one that moves us in anticipation for what is front of us rather than cause us to flee in utter avoidance?
It is often said there are two sides to every story. You and I can be enormous narcissists and, as a result, often ignore the slightest possibility there could be more than just our side of the events we experience. This predisposition for our own narrative has created a lot of division, disunity, and disruptive disagreement. But what if you and I could wrap our heads around not only our own narrative or even the narrative of the person sitting across from us? What if we began to imagine a statement with several different perspectives, brilliant points of view, and diverse pieces of added value? Here are a few tips for how we can consider multiple narratives and not simply our own.
Step back and ask yourself, “Is my perspective definitive?”. Most of the time the answer is no; most of the time there are remote possibilities we may be wrong and, perhaps to our dismay, someone else may be right.
Consider another’s perspective with a desire to learn, regardless of validity. People can sometimes be crazy, evil, and wicked. However, there is always an opportunity to learn in a way that still gives us life.
Remind yourself the existence of another perspective does not have to inhibit your enjoyment of life. Food for thought: if you and I find ourselves getting constantly irked by another’s perspective and feel like it threatens our own we may want to consider how much we actually believe in our perspective regarding the issue at hand. Offense is not necessary.
It can often be crazy to be imagine there could possibly be more than just our perspective on the relevant issues of today. As we seek to navigate how to have proactive conversations that mend together cultural gaps as well as pursue the initiatives that bring us refreshment we can also be encouraged to engage perspectives that differ from our own. It is in this engagement of diverse narratives that allow us to accept, learn, and grow from one another.
As it stands our world certainly is experiencing an appalling amount of hatred. The recent acts of bigotry in Charlottesville, VA have been horrid to watch as white nationalists protested for a “cleansed America”, free of minorities. There are many reasons why division rules in this nation: our nation’s history, misunderstanding, and pride, just to name a few.
As a minority and, more importantly, a human being I do not claim to know the answers, but certainly believe in the power of conversation. Can we have one right now? Can you and I begin to unpack our beliefs, little by little, in the hopes we would grow in empathy for one another’s background, culture, and lifestyle?
I want to share with you, from my eyes, what I consider to be a difficult topic, but crucial to our conversations of unity: the idea of privilege. Perhaps today you and I can speak truth in a way that leads us to greater peace and understanding. Here’s quick rundown of privilege, as illustrated in our society:
What it is: consistently defined as a “right, benefit, or immunity that are predominantly unearned, but widely unaware of” by an individual. Many use the example of how a fish does not necessarily know it is swimming in water; it just does. Privilege can be our race, nationality, wealth, or a combination of all the above.
So What: Privilege, whether intended or not, usually results in an inequality of some sort. What are the ways you and I can take a step back and reexamine our “privilege”? True equality can be achieved when the privileged make the uncomfortable move to reach out and equip the underprivileged.
Inequality is not an issue solved overnight, much less by an article touted to be read in two minutes. Conversations, however, help solve inequality and injustice; hopefully a conversation was had today and will continue to transpire between you and I.
Do you ever listen to a speaker, drift off, but hear one profound idea from their talk it makes you wish you had listened the whole time? I was listening to a sociologist speaking about the correlation between time and the amount of people we meet on average in a lifetime. I was dozing off until he mentioned a profound observation: in a case study of 25 young adults like you and I, every single person reported a consistent decreased interest or drive in meeting new people the older they grew.
This got me thinking.
For many reasons the observation made by the sociologist appears to be accurate. We get busy with work and tired from the long day. Some of us move to new cities; the idea of a creating a new network of friends feels exhausting. We then meet coworkers who introduce us to their friends or use app after app, even dating ones, to “meet people”, but in the end we usually end up even more exhausted from the entire process. We become exhausted because we end up comparing the close intimacy we’ve experienced with our friends from college or childhood with the people we just spent three hours chugging down drinks with, and being sorely disappointed after the first few meetups. In other cases certain values aren’t shared or assumed societal norms are not viewed in the same light and we feel a significant disconnect. As a result, we become massively disillusioned with our current circumstances and opt to simply stay in touch with the friends we already have made and carry on with our stage of life. We begin to lose the ability to discern what exactly excites us about being in relationship with people. At the end of the day you and I still desire to, in a sense, “do life with people” who understand us and where we come from, it’s only natural we would want such a reality for ourselves.
As we venture into the post college world here are five signs you’ve found a good friend and can hopefully make meeting new friends, identifying their immense value, and growing the relationship a bit easier:
There is a mutual feeling of brilliance: in any relationship people like to refer to this mutual brilliance as “chemistry”. The beauty of finding great friends is that this “chemistry”, spark, or whatever you want to call it inspires us to discover more about the person across from us and seek to develop the friendship
They possess a unique combination of the ability to support you, but call you out on your “B.S.”: acquaintances, and even “good” friends, will move to only offer words of support in our most vulnerable moments. Great friends worth keeping around not only hold us up when we’re down, but shoot us down when we are getting too high on our horse.
A seamless, yet constant exchange of leadership occurs frequently: in great friendships ego tends to dissipate. The friends we ought to pursue are comfortable enough to discern whether to take more initiative or default to you in certain situations; this can be seen when it comes to any issue whether it’s what restaurant to eat at or where to go on a Friday night.
They’re intentional; they ask great questions and move to encourage you: great friends simply know how to ask intentional questions that go beyond the superficial front you and I know so well. These questions inquire deep enough to the point of making us feel known, but not intimate enough to make us feel too vulnerable.
Openness exists between you two: Perhaps the final sign a friend might show to indicate their promising friendship is a transparent openness. When great friends get together transparency takes an underlying precedent, but doesn’t become the center of attention. In other words, you aren’t spending your time simply spilling your guts, but rather, moving towards resolution for whatever issue(s) you may be having.
The tendency in mundane or difficult situations is to resort to one stop shop methods and run short in patience; the latter becomes an even greater temptation in developing relationships. As we seek phenomenal, life giving relationships in a new stage of life we can choose to trust in the process and take time to see the community in front of us grow before our very eyes. The five signs listed are simply the top five ways in which I personally identify relationships, but there are different indicators for each of us. We all have unique tendencies and brilliant ways in which we see life, relationships, and everything in between. Perhaps this conversation can be a catalyst for your next season of life.